The God, that is Michael McIntyre once did a sketch about how 'les bises' adds ridiculous amounts of time to any trip out of the house in France. I have also come to realise this. The 'Mwah mwah' of greeting people is on the one hand a nice sign of affection and is an unwritten rule strong enough to avoid the horribly awkward english crush of hands between stomachs as one goes for the hand shake and the other goes in for the kiss. However, the 'mwah mwah' of every greeting sometimes means you never get past the greeting itself.
For example, sometimes I sit in the staffroom at work planning lessons. Nearly every teacher that walks into the room approaches you for the 'mwah mwah's. Think over 60 staff, all with different timetables, coming and going from the hubbub that is the staff room...nearly everytime a new teacher walks into the room the whole room braces themselves for the greeting. Just imagine how many 'bises' that is! I'm always slightly on edge as I sit at the table, waiting for the next person to come into the room and purposely walk towards me, I'm scared if I concentrate too much on what I'm doing I'll totally miss the 'bises' moment and get the 'oh, les anglais ne font pas des bises' joke...which has happened before! The other thing that my English brain finds quite funny, is that sometimes the kisses are all you get. I don't know the majority of the staff yet, and so if they're in a rush, it's a case of 'mwah mwah' and then them walking in the totally opposite direction, after they've done the obligatory greeting, with not even a 'bonjour', let alone time for me to say 'je suis la nouvelle assistante anglaise, Elizabeth'!
The 'bises' culture also requires something very important...good dental hygiene. After lunch in the staffroom, if you make a trip to 'faire pipi', you'll arrive in the toilets to see half the staff brushing their teeth to ensure they don't greet the next person with the smell of their croque monsieur they've just eaten.
As long as you remember to brush your teeth, however, and be decisive with your 'bises', I like the way of greeting people here. It's like you've broken any sort of awkward space and are already at ease with each other. In England, there is always that dreaded situation with people who you vaguely know, when shaking hands is too formal and kissing is pushing the very large British personal space boundaries. On top of that, if you do go in for the kisses, how many do you go for? Just the one? Or two? Maybe even three?
I think the French have got it just about right. 2 kisses. Greeting. Done. Get on with your day...
...or kissing the next 10 people in the room...
For example, sometimes I sit in the staffroom at work planning lessons. Nearly every teacher that walks into the room approaches you for the 'mwah mwah's. Think over 60 staff, all with different timetables, coming and going from the hubbub that is the staff room...nearly everytime a new teacher walks into the room the whole room braces themselves for the greeting. Just imagine how many 'bises' that is! I'm always slightly on edge as I sit at the table, waiting for the next person to come into the room and purposely walk towards me, I'm scared if I concentrate too much on what I'm doing I'll totally miss the 'bises' moment and get the 'oh, les anglais ne font pas des bises' joke...which has happened before! The other thing that my English brain finds quite funny, is that sometimes the kisses are all you get. I don't know the majority of the staff yet, and so if they're in a rush, it's a case of 'mwah mwah' and then them walking in the totally opposite direction, after they've done the obligatory greeting, with not even a 'bonjour', let alone time for me to say 'je suis la nouvelle assistante anglaise, Elizabeth'!
The 'bises' culture also requires something very important...good dental hygiene. After lunch in the staffroom, if you make a trip to 'faire pipi', you'll arrive in the toilets to see half the staff brushing their teeth to ensure they don't greet the next person with the smell of their croque monsieur they've just eaten.
As long as you remember to brush your teeth, however, and be decisive with your 'bises', I like the way of greeting people here. It's like you've broken any sort of awkward space and are already at ease with each other. In England, there is always that dreaded situation with people who you vaguely know, when shaking hands is too formal and kissing is pushing the very large British personal space boundaries. On top of that, if you do go in for the kisses, how many do you go for? Just the one? Or two? Maybe even three?
I think the French have got it just about right. 2 kisses. Greeting. Done. Get on with your day...
...or kissing the next 10 people in the room...
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